to forgive: to grant pardon (to a person)
Forgiving is such a hard concept for me. I find it so easy to forgive others, yet I hold myself chained to the mistakes that I have made. I am able to find it within myself to show love to those who continue to hurt me and then I hate myself for all the reasons they are unable to love me.
This past week I realized how detrimental my holding onto negative feelings towards myself from past situations can hinder my happiness. I want to change that and not only forgive those who hurt me, but forgive myself as well.
An article that I found on www.mindbodygreen.com lists 10 ways to forgive yourself and let go of the past. I will list the ones I find most intruiging below and add my take on them:
- Become clear on your morals and values as they are right now. I think this one is so important for me personally. A lot of my pain is coming from a lost relationship that really hurt me as it ended. During this relationship, I allowed myself to fall into habits that I wouldn’t have, had they not allowed me to. For instance, a value I carry is that I would always pay for the things I needed because it is my responsibility to take care of myself. But, he would insist, therefore I allowed him to and now that he is no longer there I am finding it hard to stand up on my own two feet and do everything for myself again.
- Realize you did the best you could at the time. Looking back at my relationship I always think to myself that I could have done something different, I could have been better, I could have been kinder, and so on and so on. I will keep myself awake at night replaying scenarios that maybe didn’t go as ideal as I wanted and think about all the ways that I failed in that moment and that maybe things would be different if I acted better in the past. However, the truth is, I cannot change the past. With this circumstance all I can do is look at the things I did wrong and not do them again in my next relationship but I did the best that I could with what I was given. I am not perfect and I am not going to do everything right all the time. I have to forgive myself and grow from this scenario rather then beat myself up with should and shouldn’t haves.
- Turn the page. What happened, happened. It will never un-happen. I have to accept it and move on. I will never be happy with him again and he is no longer good for me. I have to accept that as the reality and move forward. Take this negative experience and change it into something that makes me a stronger person.