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to forgive: to grant pardon (to a person)


Forgiving is such a hard concept for me. I find it so easy to forgive others, yet I hold myself chained to the mistakes that I have made. I am able to find it within myself to show love to those who continue to hurt me and then I hate myself for all the reasons they are unable to love me.

This past week I realized how detrimental my holding onto negative feelings towards myself from past situations can hinder my happiness. I want to change that and not only forgive those who hurt me, but forgive myself as well.

An article that I found on www.mindbodygreen.com  lists 10 ways to forgive yourself and let go of the past. I will list the ones I find most intruiging below and add my take on them:

  1. Become clear on your morals and values as they are  right now. I think this one is so important for me personally. A lot of my pain is coming from a lost relationship that really hurt me as it ended. During this relationship, I allowed myself to fall into habits that I wouldn’t have, had they not allowed me to. For instance, a value I carry is that I would always pay for the things I needed because it is my responsibility to take care of myself. But, he would insist, therefore I allowed him to and now that he is no longer there I am finding it hard to stand up on my own two feet and do everything for myself again.
  2. Realize you did the best you could at the time. Looking back at my relationship I always think to myself that I could have done something different, I could have been better, I could have been kinder, and so on and so on. I will keep myself awake at night replaying scenarios that maybe didn’t go as ideal as I wanted and think about all the ways that I failed in that moment and that maybe things would be different if I acted better in the past. However, the truth is, I cannot change the past. With this circumstance all I can do is look at the things I did wrong and not do them again in my next relationship but I did the best that I could with what I was given. I am not perfect and I am not going to do everything right all the time. I have to forgive myself and grow from this scenario rather then beat myself up with should and shouldn’t haves.
  3. Turn the page. What happened, happened. It will never un-happen. I have to accept it and move on. I will never be happy with him again and he is no longer good for me. I have to accept that as the reality and move forward. Take this negative experience and change it into something that makes me a stronger person.