6 ways to improve your relationship with yourself

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Life can be insanely busy. You can go from one thing to another always feeling ‘blah’ trying to get everything on your list done. But when you go to bed t the end of the day you feel terrible towards yourself. It could be because you haven’t been giving yourself what you need. You only have one you, so you better take care of you. Here is some ways to improve the relationship with yourself.

 

  1. Open your mind. Think in new ways, read new newspapers, speak to new people. There is WAYYY more then what is in your circle.
  2. Forgive yourself. You can never change the past. You have to let go of your mistakes. Your mistakes don’t define you. How you learn from them and move on is what defines you.
  3. Pamper yourself. Go to lush, buy a bath bomb and take a bath! Go get that Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks. You’ve earned it. Try to do something daily that is good for your being.
  4. Do a lifestyle audit. If something isn’t working, change it. No matter what it is, change it. Get yourself out of a situation that is unhealthy for you.
  5. Use affirmations. Change your negative thoughts to positive ones. You don’t have to be so hard on yourself. Love yourself and give yourself as many chances as you give to others.
  6. Design your life. take your life into control. Decide what you want and work every day to get it.

Lighten up, life should be fun!

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Boosting your self-esteem

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I wanted to write a post about how important it is to be confident, but I don’t think I am quite there yet. I want to be as honest as I can in these blog posts. It just blow my mind how one gone bad relationship can strip you of all confidence, self-esteem and self worth. It is crazy that anyone would ever want to fall in love again.

So instead, to promote positivity and a better living I want to write about little ways to boost your self esteem.

  1. Forget your past mistakes. The past is in the past, you can never get it back, you can never change it. All you can do is learn from it and let. it. go. The only time you have is the present and the future. Focus on what is happening right now. Enjoy the little things.
  2. Smile at yourself. Take some time out of your busy day to just smile at yourself.
  3. Celebrate small victories. Constantly be proud of your progress. Whether you drank the proper amount of water today, or won an award. Celebrate. Life is too short to not celebrate.
  4. Invest in yourself. Use your time and money to make YOU happy. Whether its that pair of shoes you love or some counseling. do what is best for you. You only get one life. Use the money you work so hard to earn to have fun.
  5. Visualize yourself succeeding. How can you ever succeed if you can’t even imagine it yourself? You are wonderful and full of limitless possibilities. Close your eyes and watch yourself being happy, having that dream job. Doing exactly what you love. You deserve it.

You deserve the world. People who love themselves are not selfish, they are happy because you are independent and you don’t need anyone to love you. You can do that yourself.

“I am a lover without a lover. I am lovely and lonely and I belong deeply to myself.”- Warson Shire

Women Apologize Too Much

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“It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry for” – Amy Poehler

 

This blog post is inspired by an article written by Meredith Lepore. You can find the article here.

 

This article really hit close to home for me. As a 20 year old girl who is living in NYC without having the handicap of growing up here it has really hurt my self-esteem. Back home, I was confident. I knew everyone from the mail man to the girls I went to school with since I was a child. Now, no one knows me and I have to make a name for  myself. Not to mention how hard and cold people in NYC can be it has really had altering effects on my self-esteem.

 

I apologize so much that I quite often catch myself apologizing for apologizing. When someone gets in my way on the street, I move. I say I’m sorry. Whether it was my fault or not. By continually placing the blame on myself and continually asking someone else to pardon me. I am hurting the way I see myself. I am always seeing myself as the problem. I am blaming myself and apologizing for forgiveness.

 

This is a sickness among women. We have the right to be who we are and say what we feel and not be sorry for it. We are valued and we are worth everything.

With that being said. Since today is November 8th. Love Trumps Hate. Go out and vote!

 

things someone with anxiety wants you to know

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No one should be defined by their mental illness

 

We get tired really easily. Anxiety is exhausting, your mind is constantly running through past events that are unchangeable and are brain is continuously giving us better options to what we could have done in the past.

We know our fears can be irrational. I know that it is crazy that I won’t leave my apartment or that I am scared to go to work to run into a situation that may never happen. My mind continuously plays games with me, and that game is called anxiety.

 

We may lean on you more than we should. If someone with anxiety feels comfortable with a person it can be hard for them to let go. It can be extremely difficult to let someone in so when we do, we don’t ever want to let them go. Even if that person is not good for us.

When Panic Attacks

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When Panic Attacks is a very helpful book written by David Burns. This summer while I was going through some hard times, I began to develop more intense anxiety issues.  I wanted to avoid going on medication for these issues, so my therapist recommended reading this book.

At first, I thought this was silly. How can reading a boring science book help me fix my problems? It isn’t going to fix my relationship, it isn’t going to make someone love me, and that’s what I thought was causing my problems.

However, anxiety is much deeper. So I started reading the book.

I wasn’t having anxiety attacks because my relationship was falling apart. I was having anxiety attacks because of my fear of being alone. Realizing that fear and working on my issues from there is more of a healthy permanent solution then taking medication because a boy is giving me problems.

In this novel, Burns gives you 40 ways to deal with your anxiety. He can connect with the reader on a personal level. Sometimes I still get overthrown by emotion but now I have skills to deter me from spiraling into an attack that I can’t control, especially in public.

Your anxiety does not control you, you control your anxiety. Sometimes medication is needed and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But give this book a read first!!

Activities for a restless mind

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Allowing another person to control your happiness is the biggest mistake to make.

Happiness has to come from within, don’t ever give someone that much power over you. People are only temporary, you have to live with yourself forever.

Some things you can do with yourself to keep your mind occupied off of those negative thoughts:

-Read a book

-Go for a run

-Watch a movie you love

-Clean

-Do your nails

-Find a hobby you love and practice until you are perfect (for example; drawing, painting, playing piano, golf, yoga, dance)

Find what you love and do more of it! You deserve it!

Forgiveness

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to forgive: to grant pardon (to a person)

 

Forgiving is such a hard concept for me. I find it so easy to forgive others, yet I hold myself chained to the mistakes that I have made. I am able to find it within myself to show love to those who continue to hurt me and then I hate myself for all the reasons they are unable to love me.

This past week I realized how detrimental my holding onto negative feelings towards myself from past situations can hinder my happiness. I want to change that and not only forgive those who hurt me, but forgive myself as well.

An article that I found on www.mindbodygreen.com  lists 10 ways to forgive yourself and let go of the past. I will list the ones I find most intruiging below and add my take on them:

  1. Become clear on your morals and values as they are  right now. I think this one is so important for me personally. A lot of my pain is coming from a lost relationship that really hurt me as it ended. During this relationship, I allowed myself to fall into habits that I wouldn’t have, had they not allowed me to. For instance, a value I carry is that I would always pay for the things I needed because it is my responsibility to take care of myself. But, he would insist, therefore I allowed him to and now that he is no longer there I am finding it hard to stand up on my own two feet and do everything for myself again.
  2. Realize you did the best you could at the time. Looking back at my relationship I always think to myself that I could have done something different, I could have been better, I could have been kinder, and so on and so on. I will keep myself awake at night replaying scenarios that maybe didn’t go as ideal as I wanted and think about all the ways that I failed in that moment and that maybe things would be different if I acted better in the past. However, the truth is, I cannot change the past. With this circumstance all I can do is look at the things I did wrong and not do them again in my next relationship but I did the best that I could with what I was given. I am not perfect and I am not going to do everything right all the time. I have to forgive myself and grow from this scenario rather then beat myself up with should and shouldn’t haves.
  3. Turn the page. What happened, happened. It will never un-happen. I have to accept it and move on. I will never be happy with him again and he is no longer good for me. I have to accept that as the reality and move forward. Take this negative experience and change it into something that makes me a stronger person.

 

Choose Happiness

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Everyday we are faced with multiple choices. To get out of bed, or not. To go to work/school, or not. To eat, or not. These choices shape how you will feel the rest of the day. Being happy is a choice. Some days it is harder than others. Some days you will not be able to choose happiness. But, we should wok everyday to radiate positive energy and love ourselves as much as we love others.

This week I am focusing on making sure I choose happiness. I am making sure I don’t self sabotage myself into a spiral of negative energy. Listed below are some choices that I will try to make everyday.

 

  1. Be thankful. I appreciate everything I have. If I am not thankful for everything I have I will have a hard time ever finding happiness.
  2. Be optimistic. I am given endless opportunities. Rather than focusing on doors that have already been closed, I will focus on the ones that remain open.
  3. I will not compare myself to others. There is only one me. I am unique and special and I deserve to allow others to see me for who I am.
  4. I will not over-think. My head is my own worst enemy. It is a perception only I can see and can destroy my happiness.
  5. Practice acts of kindness. Kindness is free. Selflessly helping someone is a very powerful way to feel good inside. It is a win-win.
  6. Be present. I will be present around other people. I will engage and create deep and meaningful relationships with my amazing friends.
  7. Develop Coping Strategies. I will calm myself with music, or wiring down my negative thoughts so they can escape my head.
  8. I will forgive those who hurt me.
  9. I will take care of my body. If I don’t eat, my body won’t function. Therefore, I will do everything in my power to take care of myself so my mental health can prosper

It is really easy to type these steps down. It is really easy to say that I will do these things. It takes time to build a habit. It takes a commitment. I am committed to choosing happiness. Are you?

 

 

Radiating Positive Thoughts

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I’m not a doctor. I am a 20 year old girl who is going through a hard time and is trying to teach myself the best way to change the way I am thinking into something more positive. With this blog, I will post things I find inspiring and helpful and hopefully it will help you too.

When things in my life started to take a turn, I looked at my routine and decided to live by certain rules to try to keep a more positive energy. Some of the rules I came up with:

5 rules for positive living

  1. What other people think of you is none of your business
  2. Assume good things and doubt bad things
  3. Don’t let yesterday take up today
  4. The secret to having everything is believing you do
  5. Be yourself, everyone else is taken

 

It is truly fascinating how depression/stress/anxiety can eat away at your life. I have lost 30 pounds, always feel like I am dragging, have little to no inclination to do anything and it is hard to fight. However, thinking positively has some concrete benefits to it. For instance, they say you will live longer, you sleep better and your immune system becomes stronger.

 

To start thinking positively it is suggested that you meditate (start off with maybe 5 minutes a day and increase as you find yourself capable), go out with friends and family, and acknowledge your negative thoughts in a journal but definitely focus on the positive ones and let go of the things that cannot be changed.

 

Success Quote

A bad attitude can literally block love, blessings, and destiny from finding you. Don’t be the reason you don’t succeed.

Buddha Quote

What you think, you become, What you feel, you attract. What you imagine, you create.